we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
