My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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