So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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