she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
