I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
