I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize