Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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