i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
