I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
