I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
