Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
