Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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