mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
