She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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