Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
two words: eviction party
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
