did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize