It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
