Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
