you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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