Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
