you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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