everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The beer is more important than you right now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
