I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
