shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
