the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
