I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
