theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
