So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
