R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
