physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My penis needs a shock collar
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
