my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
