We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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