i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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