I've blown a few things in my day
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
