ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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