if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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