i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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