you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
