I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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