I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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