I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
