Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
