my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
