just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
