a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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