I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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