Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
