he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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