i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
