How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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