i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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