I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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