I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
