you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
