im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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