Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
