Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
