my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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