Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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