my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
