It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
