I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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