you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
