once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
