She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
