found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
