Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
