I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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