You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
