I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sobbing to NWA
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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