fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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