why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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