If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Are we still banned from the library?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
