I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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