how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
