We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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