I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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