Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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