the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
