Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
