you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
