a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
