The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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