found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
