i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize