I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think your dad took our porno
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
