found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
