grandma shit on top of the toilet
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
