come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize