I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
