Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
