I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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