I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
